Friend zone
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
In popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person.[1] Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship.
Two Lovers.
There are differing explanations about what causes a person to be placed in the friend zone by another. One report suggests that some women don't see their male friends as potential love interests because they fear that deepening their relationship might cause a loss of the romance and mystery or lead to rejection later. A Chicago Tribune writer suggested there were several cases in which a man might become relegated to the friend zone: (1) the woman is not sufficiently attracted to the man, (2) the woman misinterprets nonverbal cues from the man signaling his interest in deepening the relationship, (3) there is sexual repulsion (but not enough to block a friendship). [2] The writer described the relationship in these terms:
Dating adviser Ali Binazir described the friend zone as Justfriendistan, and wrote that it's a "territory only to be rivaled in inhospitability by the western Sahara, the Atacama desert, and Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell."[1]
One man described himself as always having girlfriends who were "girls" but were only his "friends", meaning there was no sex between them.[4] On the other hand, a report in Cosmopolitan magazine suggested that a friend-only relation could change into a sexual one, and based this finding on a 2001 Match.com survey in which 71% of respondents hoped that they would fall in love with a friend.[5] It has also been suggested that women may also become victims of the "friend zone", in which a man treats them as only a friend, while the woman prefers a more intimate relationship.[6][7]
There is general agreement that once a man is in the friend zone, it is difficult to get out.[8] A platonic relationship has formed without sex and can continue indefinitely. Accordingly, dating advisers and coaches have suggested that one should never get in the friend zone to begin with. Several advisers urged men, during the initial dates, to touch women physically in appropriate places such as elbows or shoulders as a means of increasing the sexual tension.[9][10] Authors of the book How to Succeed with Women explained the logic:
Despite the pitfalls of friend zones, some have argued that a man can benefit from actively cultivating a friend zone once an interaction or relationship with a potential partner has entered one. The theory here is that the friend zone may evolve into something more, particularly if the man establishes an air of trustworthiness and intimacy that his partner finds attractive and has never shared with previous romantic partners. This is more than, as one commentator put it, "the lingering possibility of becoming more than a friend"; as some have argued, it is the most sustainable way of building relationships with long-lasting intimacy and trust. [12]
There is an important difference between friend zones and "conflicted zones." The latter may arise when one person in the zone is married and the other isn't. The constraints and complications of the existing marriage add an additional dimension to what otherwise may appear to be a friend zone. Some have offered different advice for conflicted zone situations, centering on explicit and deliberate conversation between the two parties to the zone or even counseling or mediation for the married couple.[13]
Jennifer Aniston played the role of Rachel on the TV show Friends.
David Schwimmer played Ross on the TV show Friends.
The term "friend zone" was popularized by a 1994 episode of the television sitcom Friends,"The One with the Blackout", where the character Ross, who was lovesick for Rachel, was labeled "mayor of the Friend Zone".[14] The question of whether a man can ever "escape the friend zone and begin dating one of his female friends" was a prime ingredient in making the Ross and Rachel pairing interesting to watch; one writer described the two as a "geek dream couple".[15]
Comedian Chris Rock performed a routine about women keeping platonic friends on his 1996 album Bring The Pain, where he talked about men being trapped in the friend zone.
The television show Scrubs uses the term on the first season episode of "My Best Friend's Mistake". protagonist J.D. explains that once something important, a turning point, occurs between a man and a woman, they have 48 hours to do something about it or else the man will be stuck in the woman's friend zone forever. J.D. doesn't get to finish kissing his unrequited love, Elliot Reid, in 48 hours, so he enters an imaginary hospital room called Friend Zone with a room full of men who used to like Elliot, but Elliot didn't like them back in the same way.
The 2005 film Just Friends deals with the friend zone and how it affects the main character of the film (played by Ryan Reynolds). He reunites with his female friend from high school (played by Amy Smart) for the first time in 10 years, and she says that she loves him "like a brother", dashing any hopes of him having her as a girlfriend.[16]
The movie When Harry Met Sally explored the theme of whether men and women could be friends without being lovers.
In May 2011, MTV announced a new show entitled FriendZone, produced by 495 Productions cast by Doron Ofir and created by Damon Epps and SallyAnn Salsano. In an interview with a national publication, Epps is quoted as saying, "The idea for the show came out of my own experience. Unfortunately, I know the pain of telling the girl of your dreams you love them and want to take the relationship to the next level only to be told they don't feel the same. I figured if it happened to me, it might be something others could relate to as well. If it works, you have the beginnings of a great love story. If it doesn't, well, pain and humiliation make great TV, too." [17]
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[edit] Application
When a guy agrees to be friends, he's forced to stifle his attraction while regularly seeing and talking to the woman he's attracted to. She discusses her love life and has the audacity to ask his advice on it. He performs occasional "manly" household and automotive favors for the women. Essentially, he does everything a boyfriend would do – without the benefits.Marshall Fine of The Huffington Post suggested that the friend zone is "like the penalty box of dating, when your only crime is not being buff and unobtainable."[3]
Dating adviser Ali Binazir described the friend zone as Justfriendistan, and wrote that it's a "territory only to be rivaled in inhospitability by the western Sahara, the Atacama desert, and Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell."[1]
One man described himself as always having girlfriends who were "girls" but were only his "friends", meaning there was no sex between them.[4] On the other hand, a report in Cosmopolitan magazine suggested that a friend-only relation could change into a sexual one, and based this finding on a 2001 Match.com survey in which 71% of respondents hoped that they would fall in love with a friend.[5] It has also been suggested that women may also become victims of the "friend zone", in which a man treats them as only a friend, while the woman prefers a more intimate relationship.[6][7]
There is general agreement that once a man is in the friend zone, it is difficult to get out.[8] A platonic relationship has formed without sex and can continue indefinitely. Accordingly, dating advisers and coaches have suggested that one should never get in the friend zone to begin with. Several advisers urged men, during the initial dates, to touch women physically in appropriate places such as elbows or shoulders as a means of increasing the sexual tension.[9][10] Authors of the book How to Succeed with Women explained the logic:
Touching a woman casually and non-intrusively establishes a precedent that will help you touch her more intimately later. It gets her used to accepting your touch, and even shows her that it can feel good. These touches are quick, gentle, and over with before she has a chance to get uncomfortable.Adviser Ali Binazir agrees, and suggested for the man to be a "little bit dangerous", not in a violent sense, but "with a bit of an edge to them", and be unpredictable and feel "comfortable in their skin as sexual beings."[8] A woman speaking about a previous date in a report in the Boston Globe confirmed that she relegated her date to the friend zone because he lacked an "edge"; she needed "excitement."[11] Binazir suggested that a man, ensnared in the friend zone, is free to experiment and try new things, since there's nothing to lose.[8]
Despite the pitfalls of friend zones, some have argued that a man can benefit from actively cultivating a friend zone once an interaction or relationship with a potential partner has entered one. The theory here is that the friend zone may evolve into something more, particularly if the man establishes an air of trustworthiness and intimacy that his partner finds attractive and has never shared with previous romantic partners. This is more than, as one commentator put it, "the lingering possibility of becoming more than a friend"; as some have argued, it is the most sustainable way of building relationships with long-lasting intimacy and trust. [12]
There is an important difference between friend zones and "conflicted zones." The latter may arise when one person in the zone is married and the other isn't. The constraints and complications of the existing marriage add an additional dimension to what otherwise may appear to be a friend zone. Some have offered different advice for conflicted zone situations, centering on explicit and deliberate conversation between the two parties to the zone or even counseling or mediation for the married couple.[13]
[edit] Popular culture
Comedian Chris Rock performed a routine about women keeping platonic friends on his 1996 album Bring The Pain, where he talked about men being trapped in the friend zone.
The television show Scrubs uses the term on the first season episode of "My Best Friend's Mistake". protagonist J.D. explains that once something important, a turning point, occurs between a man and a woman, they have 48 hours to do something about it or else the man will be stuck in the woman's friend zone forever. J.D. doesn't get to finish kissing his unrequited love, Elliot Reid, in 48 hours, so he enters an imaginary hospital room called Friend Zone with a room full of men who used to like Elliot, but Elliot didn't like them back in the same way.
The 2005 film Just Friends deals with the friend zone and how it affects the main character of the film (played by Ryan Reynolds). He reunites with his female friend from high school (played by Amy Smart) for the first time in 10 years, and she says that she loves him "like a brother", dashing any hopes of him having her as a girlfriend.[16]
The movie When Harry Met Sally explored the theme of whether men and women could be friends without being lovers.
In May 2011, MTV announced a new show entitled FriendZone, produced by 495 Productions cast by Doron Ofir and created by Damon Epps and SallyAnn Salsano. In an interview with a national publication, Epps is quoted as saying, "The idea for the show came out of my own experience. Unfortunately, I know the pain of telling the girl of your dreams you love them and want to take the relationship to the next level only to be told they don't feel the same. I figured if it happened to me, it might be something others could relate to as well. If it works, you have the beginnings of a great love story. If it doesn't, well, pain and humiliation make great TV, too." [17]
[edit] See also
[edit] References
- ^ a b Ali Binazir M.D. M.Phil. (February 2011). "How to stay out of the Friend Zone". taoofdating.com. http://taoofdating.com/how-to-stay-out-of-friend-zone/. Retrieved 2011-02-24.
- ^ GINA B. (January 12, 2007). "What's so bad about the friend zone?". Chicago Tribune. http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2007-01-12/news/0701120408_1_new-friends-attraction-friendship. Retrieved 2011-02-24.
- ^ Marshall Fine (May 10, 2010). "HuffPost Review: Just Wright". Huffington Post. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marshall-fine/huffpost-review-ijust-wri_b_569896.html. Retrieved 2011-02-24.
- ^ Mastin Kipp (June 3, 2010). "Choosing a Better Kind of Love". Huffington Post. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mastin-kipp/love-choosing-a-better-ki_b_598693.html. Retrieved 2011-02-24.
- ^ "When you fall for a guy pal: the "just friends" zone is like relationship quicksand, but you can get out with a few strategic maneuvers.". Cosmopolitan. 2006-06-01. http://www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2/summary_0286-15951082_ITM. Retrieved 2008-01-14.
- ^ "Just friends - why it happens?", AskMen.com
- ^ Emily Yahr (July 25, 2010). "The CW's 'Plain Jane,' a not-so-extreme makeover show". Washington Post. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/07/22/AR2010072206828.html. Retrieved 2011-02-24. "she harbors a hard-core crush on her buddy Ty, who has categorized her in "the friend zone" since college."
- ^ a b c Dr. Alex Benzer (April 2, 2009). "How Rich Guys Screw Up Their Chances with Women". Huffington Post. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/how-rich-guys-ruin-their_b_181386.html. Retrieved 2011-02-24.
- ^ ERIC V. COPAGE (June 6, 2010). "For New Pickup Lines, Pay $377 and Go Practice". The New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/07/nyregion/07dating.html. Retrieved 2011-02-24.
- ^ Ron Louis and David Copeland (2009). How to Succeed with Women (Revised and updated ed.). Prentice Hall Press. ISBN 978-1-4406-6211-9. http://books.google.com/books?id=pHzb7_bZTSwC&pg=PT205&lpg=PT205&dq=%22ron+louis%22+touch+woman+date+%22how+to+succeed+with+women%22#v=onepage&q&f=false. Retrieved 2011-02-24.
- ^ Interview with Kevin and Kajka (April 25, 2010). "Date Lab: And we hang our heads in matchmaking shame". Boston Globe. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/15/AR2010041504997.html. Retrieved 2011-02-24.
- ^ "5 Reasons Why Being in the Friend Zone is a Good Thing". manhelper.com. http://www.manhelper.com/dating_sex/5_reasons_why_being_in_the_friend_zone_is_a_good_thing. Retrieved 2012-06-30.
- ^ "Unconditional Love versus Sexual Desire...is there really a conflict?". zen-moments.com. http://www.zen-moments.com/unconditional-love-versus-sexual-desire.html. Retrieved 2012-04-02.
- ^ "Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap". TV.com. http://www.tv.com/friends/the-one-with-the-blackout/episode/351/recap.html. Retrieved 2008-01-14.
- ^ "IGN's Top 10 Favorite TV Couples". IGN. http://tv.ign.com/articles/764/764349p2.html. Retrieved 2008-01-14.
- ^ "Amy Smart on Just Friends", RadioFree.com Interviews (Nov. 5, 2005)
- ^ "FriendZone Casting Site"
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